So Tired of Someday..

I try my best to live in the present, but it sucks so much that the only thing that seems to keep me going is the hope of someday. I just have to get through today first. Let me assure you with so many asinine people I have to put up with and all the asinine things that they do...today is a real challenge. Here are a few somedays I strive for to get through 2008.

Someday...

...I'll have a space of my own.
...I'll be treated as an equal.
...I won't be used.
...I will be judged on today and not my past.
...People will be consistant.
...I won't be torn down for the benefit of others.
...Someone will understand me.
...Someone will love me and treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

Here's to a someday that's not today, but I pray that someday will come soon. Later might be to late. Oh someday, what a glorious day that will be.

Whatever your someday is for. Know that today will be so worth it until someday comes.

An Expression Defined

Here is the video of a dance from the FOX show So You Think You Can Dance. I never saw it while it was on the air, but some reruns were on and I absolutely loved some of the pieces I saw. Of course like any other red blood American I you tubed some of my favorite pieces. I found the Mia Michaels pieces were the best ones, because they were so moving. The "Sunflower and Bench Dance" seemed to speak to me.

I have no idea what message Mia intended to convey, but the one I got couldn't have hit me harder if you had thrown that bench at me. I'll let you watch it first, and then I'll explain.


What did I tell you. I was right wasn't I? Powerful and moving. Love is something that is so beautiful and simple, like the sunflower. It commands attention even from just a glance, yet it's so delicate you're choosy about who you share it with.

My interpretation of this piece is that the girl wants to share her love with someone who doesn't care about her. He's always off doing his own thing knowing that she'll be right there if he should need her (on the bench). When they touch hands through the bench and he pulls her out it shows that he some what cared but not really.

When she jumps in his arms as a last attempt forgetting about her flower (love) a piece of my heart broke because he caught only so she wouldn't fall. Through out the piece she tries to help him from stumbling, but he doesn't seem to care or appreciate her. Her gestures are fulled with the hope, kindness, and love. He just doesn't want to be bothered with her.It's like he's just putting up with her because he has to. The one time he touches the flower is when he gives it back to her for good. When he walks away after making her think he's going to take it....that's such a sad but true message.

What is it about sunflowers? Why is it so hard for us to take them?

Which Way is the Right Way?

I was surfing You Tube the other day and I saw this preview of the NOOMA series. This preview of the episode "Bullhorn" is something that I thought was very powerful. I couldn't find a longer clip, but I thought the few minutes that they did show was awesome! If I ever find the whole clip I'll be sure to post it!



This is the response from a traditional stand point. I can some what agree with some of the things he says, but I don't think he has the whole concept of how some people in the Emergent movement feel about evangelism. I will admit that he does make a good point about love in the matter. Sometimes you do have to tell people what they don't want to hear if you really love them, but also don't think it gives you the right to judge them.

A Lesson About the Bottom

When it comes to the bottom there are so many different there are so many different thoughts on it. Here is a key thought about the bottom. There are many false bottoms, those are the times when we think that they can't get any worse. It's the real bottom that you have to hit. It's when you can't take anymore, and you're teetering on the edge. That is the real bottom. Here is my philosephy on the bottom....

"The fall can be soul breaking, but the climb back up is well worth it."

The Journey of Failure....

Let's talk about something that can eat away at the core of your being worst than anything else....it's a little thing called failure. Most wise people will tell you that failure is a good thing because it helps you to grow and to learn, some really stupid people will tell you that it's unacceptable. I'm hear to tell you a few honest thoughts about failure, and you can draw your own conclusions.

To clarify failure. I mean constant struggle to succeed at something, and to constantly let yourself (and most of the time others) down. Whether you've been beaten out by someone else, or your simply not meeting expectations. It's a very simple definition for such a complicated word.

Failure is something that I know all to well about, because it's been the story of my life. Everything I've ever wanted in my life has been a fight. There's always been a struggle for something, and nothing has ever come easy. Honestly I can't keep track of the number of prayers that I have asked God to cut me a break. I doubt he ever will. That's one of the biggest lessons I've learned of failure. Don't ever expect a break in any journey that you're on. No matter how hard you fight and refuse to give up you still won't be good enough, or at least that's how it can feel. Discouragement is a big part of failure.

It's another lesson that comes with the trial. It's hard to sacrifice and give your all, and still fall short of your goals every time. It's easy to start questioning the fruit of hard work when you know that your giving everything, but then we must start thinking of who's to say your failing....

Man is constantly seeing things from their perspective alone, and I think we need to start looking through God's eyes. He makes things hard to get, so that we can appreciate what we have and what it took to get it. There are so many more reasons why we are constantly fighting. It is human nature to fall, but it's also human nature to keep going. It's when we reach our limit that we must question what it is we will turn to, or if we'll even get back up at all.

Take some advice from a constant failure..... keep running the race. Journey's with real prizes at the end will have a few roses along the way, and they'll also have a thousand more thorns lining the path. The only protection you have from those thorns is faith and love. It might not always feel like it's protecting you, but I assure you it could hurt a lot worse.

Those thorns will get bigger and sharper, but your feet will get stronger. Your skin will get tougher and you'll get use to the pain.....eventually you'll get use to it, and you'll accept that it's just the way it has to be for now (even when for now seems like forever.)

So I encourage you to take your falters with stride as you continue to run this race. Take those scars that the thorns might leave and run as fast as you can......even when you're going your slowest.....just keep running.....just keep running....

Burdens

Let's talk about burdens. There are a lot of different ways to look at them. Some say they're a test, so believe their a punishment, and others think that they are just a fact of life. Which ever way you look at it most will conclude that burdens are a tribulation that have an impact on our lives. We may not want to admit it, but our burdens and struggles really make us into the people that we are.

Burdens will either make you a better person, or leave you in pieces. They separate the weak from the strong.

The main thought to keep in mind for burdens is that you can only judge the impact of your own. You can't tell someone else that certain trials broke them or that they helped them. We are our own judge in that area. What you might call broken could be someone's strength what you might call strength is someone's mask.

No matter what you have done, said, or felt. No one can feel truly understand a burden except for the person going through it. Even if you've gone through the same scenario, you have to keep in mind that people handle things differently. What might be seen as a big deal to one individual could easily be seen as a mere agitation to another.

It annoys the pit of my soul when others try to make assumptions about people's crosses that they bare. Let me give you some advice....

If you have ever done this than you are very wrong.

Burdens are the trim that shape the mold of who we are. People constantly assume that they can know someone well enough to have the all figured out. When really you don't know what a person had to go through to get to that point. Man kind has a bad habit of believing their assumptions to be infallible, but we're wrong.

We're so wrong....

What people need to quit all the bull. Stop playing the mind games and going through other people to find out something. You want to understand someone. Shut up. For once in you're life shut up and stop trying to get your point across and actually listen to them. We can tell a lot through listening. When they're done you can claim there is a solution all you want, but no matter what you think or what your experience is. That solution just might not be the right one for that person. Accept that and get over it.

We all have to get through our burdens our own ways. It's best to accept that you're not always right and that you can't fix everything. If we all did that there would most likely be fewer problems in the world.

Indiscribable...

Today I saw with my own eyes how great my God is...

Lately I've been asking God to make his presence known to me. I wanted a sign that he was going to be with me through my trials. I got my sign today, and I am still sitting here in awe.

I got an ultrasound of my heart for my chest pains today. I saw for myself the wonders of the humane body. As I watched my heart pumping I watched God's miracle of creation. People usually talk about this when it comes to the miracle birth and stuff like that. I just found it amazing that he created us has made the humane heart to sustain the process of life.

I was amazed that he could make something so delicate have a huge job. I never felt more precious in his sight as of that moment. He makes my heart beat just because he loves me. Despite everything I've done he's still letting my heart beat.

I then started thinking about how it relates to the relationship Christ and I have. He just helps us to keep going. He doesn't have to do all of the things that he does to let us live. He didn't have to do any of it, but he does because he loves me. In spite of everything he still helps me keep going.

All this time the sign I've been looking for has been with me all along. The grace that allows me to wake up in the morning, the the pounding in my chest that allows me to open my eyes in the morning is his way of telling me that he is there, and that he loves me no matter what.

He does it all in spite of everything......

Phoenix: Arisen from the Ashes of Change.

There's something about the ordinary that I've never liked. I've tried to be like everyone else and it just didn't feel right. Seeing things like everyone else is so...boring. Change is something that has always made me....well.....me. I've never tried to make up for it. You either like it or you don't. I've gotten used to the response being the later.

If everything about me is different then why should it be a surprise that my beliefs aren't of the typical nature. I thought that I was the only person to look at my faith in this way, but I'm actually not as unique as I thought I was.

I was going crazy thinking that no one thinks the way I do. That everyone is a brick when it comes to Christianity. Apparently I am not the only spring! (To get it you have to read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell).

I was looking up some new books a few days ago, and read a publishers synopsis of Velvet Elvis. It intrigued me and I was able to read the first few pages, and I felt that I could really relate to the book. I haven't started it yet, but I can't wait!!

It was so refreshing to know that I'm not alone in the way I'm thinking. Some people call it Post Modern Christianity. Others refer to it as The Emerging Conversation or Emerging Christianity. Whatever you want to call it...... I like the thought behind it and I like it.

Now don't judge me as some hardcore radical who's going to be protesting against modern Christianity as we know it. I don't think the way things are isn't wrong. I just think there's more. I just get worried because I don't think people really think about their beliefs and faith. The just follow blindly and go with it.

I don't want to limit God to just what we know about Him. I want to love Him and experience personally.... not through someone else's words that can't come close to His Majesty....

While the Bible is a good source in all, but I'd rather choose to let my experiences with Christ help me to make wise choices. I allow his spirit to convict me. That's all I need. I don't need someone else telling me what I should feel or do. I live by free will and I'm convicted by God. Everything else is just extra.

Sometimes I think more people need to focus on the source of our faith, which is God and nothing else. Let's go back to keeping it simple. Here's a simple summary of what I believe.

Forget all the rules, all the extra stuff, focus on the source. God. The only thing you need besides Jesus' loving grace is faith. Nothing else....Nothing else......